In a lot of ways, the book reminds me of "The Mental Game of Baseball", in that "Remember the Ice" is really the mental game of communicating.
Learning to communicate better can improve your life and the lives of every one you with whom you come in contact. It's that important. So, what will you do about it? I highly recommend this book as a great place to start. Open your mind to some new and powerful ideas about how to communicate more effectively.
What follows are some excerpts and takeaways -- some are paraphrased and direct quotes from the book are noted -- that I hope will give you a taste of the power of saying what you mean clearly:
If you want to remember something, tell your self to "remember." Sounds simple, right? It is, and it works.
Here are the seven "knotty" words that tie up speech and are to be avoided: Not, Don't, Won't, Wouldn't, Can't, Couldn't, and Shouldn't.
Note: People fail to hear "not, " so when you say it, you are in actuality communicating the opposite of what you intend.
"'Will' and 'would' are empowering words."
"Positive reinforcement is a much more productive and powerful way to inspire some one to achieve."
When you describe a situation as something "we" are facing, "you put yourself in the bullpen with them."
"When some one who is trying to be helpful says, 'I couldn't find it,' and you find it irritates you, it's because it sounds like they were saying, 'I could have found it (if I tried).'"
"'Should' traps people in bitterness and disappointment. ... It has little to do with intention; it has everything to do with projecting your judgment onto some one else." My comment: Wow. Ouch. We in the Christian community "should" a lot, I think.
"'Fail to' is a good temporary fix-it, as is 'unable to.' ... Later, 'I fail to understand (instead of 'I don't understand') will evolve into 'Could you please explain that another way?'"
"Your word choice has the power to persuade some one to your point of view."
"Dump the word 'should' from your vocabulary, your dictionary, your thoughts, and your feelings."
Try this instead (of "should"): "I would like things to be different."
"Everything in your life is exactly as it should be because it is."
"If you want to change behavior, drop the 'shoulds' and try again."
"There are many ways to play the 'should' game without saying the word 'should' ... i.e., "if you really wanted to do X, you would do (what I want you to)."
Beware of absolutes such as "never," "always," and and "every."
"Using 'never' wipes out the times when he has [gotten the job done]."
"Be especially alert around verbally negative people."
"There is power in every word you say to yourself. Use that power for good instead of evil."
"As you physically move toward what you want, you actually foster a pattern of attracting more of what you want in your life."
Respectful elegance in your speech ... "Start with 'please,' and 'thank you,' and 'excuse me' and the other polite phrases that demonstrate respect."
Try saying 'thank you' instead of just 'thanks.' My comment: This is a profound little change. Try it and be blessed with the results.
"Be mindful of your tone of voice."
"It is extremely important that you stop, think, and choose the best possible words that describe how you feel."
Being clear and specific demonstrates respect.
Our physiology communicates, as well. If our body language communicates something different then our words, problems ensue.
"As human beings, we dislike these false displays of emotion. It only takes one encounter with a person playing this game to embed a deep mistrust of their character in both our conscious and subconscious opinions of them."
"Faking it will get you nowhere."
Check out this gem: "There is power in the congruency of your articulation. When your beliefs, values, thoughts, physiology and words all support the same message, it is the most empowering way to communicate. It is so empowering that it is actually contagious. You can influence and even change the beliefs, values, thoughts, physiology and words of the people with whom you are speaking. Throw in anticipating good things, and you can move mountains."
Your own smile lightens the mood. Raising your line of sight and posture make you more positive.
"The simple act of controlling your breathing holds tremendous power."
"If you dedicate yourself to improving your conversation skills, the rewards will be enormous. You will find that as your ability to hear, thoughtfully interpret and appreciate what is being said increases, your ability to be truly heard will also increase."
"If you understand that [your] request comes with an equal opportunity for a 'yes' or 'no,' then you are fine."
"Say what you mean, and mean what you say, and above all, employ respectful elegance when you say it."
"You choose whether you will dread Monday morning, or whether you will look forward to waking up to a fresh week full of energy and purpose."
"Have you noticed that good things seem to happen to people who look for good things in everything that happens?"
"Word choice will only be effective if it is congruent with your beliefs and values."
"Circles have no sides, and neither do facts."
Label something a situation rather than a problem. Situations can seemingly be approached from more angles.
"Since it is a privilege to be here (on this earth), it just makes sense that you have a responsibility to be a contributor, and these are the only seconds you get to do so. What kind of mark do you intend to make here? How are people going to remember you?"
Good stuff, huh? It's more than baseball. Think about how you talk to your teammates, coaches, friends, parents, family, and yes, even umpires. Even umpires.
Check out Bob, send him an email ... or better yet ... order his book at www.remembertheice.com.
See you on the field,
